The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
