and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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