Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
