Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
