it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We had sex on a dog bed..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
