if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
