I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
