My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
