Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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