know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
