I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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