I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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