I seem to have left my pride at pride
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
