so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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