I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
