I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
