I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
