apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
