Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
