Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
