some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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