Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
