The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You smell like stripper and shame
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
