I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
