In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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