I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
