i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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