I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
