Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
