The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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