If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
