if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
