If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
