We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
