your parents love me but you hate me
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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