Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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