Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just google imaged poop.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
