He kissed a someone with a penis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
