i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
