"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
