No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
