If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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