so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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