I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
