i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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