whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
