all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
