cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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