So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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