and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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