I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
